Hey, Dad. I miss you.
I wish I could have known you better. It seems like it was only a little while ago when I heard you had passed away, in a little rehab place in Texas. They said that you had been doing great, that you were a big help around the place, that you had been clean for a long time.
I wish you had thought of me! I wish you had tried to contact me. You remember your dad-in-law? He would've had a number for Mom, you could've gotten a message through to me somehow.
If you'd tried, you'd have found out that I was huge into the Internet; I had a username on every major IM service, and like 6 different email addresses at any one time. We could have talked, we could have shared new technologies as father and son! We could have talked about games, about phones, about the Internet.. We could have learned programming languages together, we could have competed, we could have partied up in some MMO somewhere! I could have had so many good times with you, even if only online!
We would have had such a special relationship, one that I wouldn't have had with anyone else, one that I would have kept so near and dear to my heart for years and years, one that I'd never ever forget about or let slide, one that I'd constantly work at and grow!
I want to talk to you, I want to listen to you. I want to hug you, and feel your whiskers scratch my cheek. I want to smell your hair. I want to shake your hand, and arm-wrestle you. I want you to tell me when I'm messing up, and what I should do, even if I don't want to hear it. I want you not to like my music.
I want you to see my brother all grown up, and his new little baby boy, who is the cutest baby I've ever seen, even with his one arm. I want your eyes to shine when you look at him and play with him. I want you to meet my beautiful wife, and talk to her, see how smart she is, and tell me how pretty she is in a whisper when she leaves the room. I want to go to a store every year and pick out the perfect Christmas gift to give you. I want to email you about every interesting news story I find, and every funny lolcat I see-my wife is so good at making those!
I want someone to play games with. I want someone to talk to, to give me advice, and chastise me when I'm wrong. I want someone to push me to finish school. I want someone who loves me unconditionally, so I don't feel like I have to bend over backwards to earn the approval of every peer group I come in contact with.
I love you, Dad. I miss you so much. Are you in heaven? Will I get to see you and talk to you when I get there? Nothing would make me happier!
Oh, God, I miss you so much. I'm so sorry for what you did. I don't understand why you left me here alone! I missed so much of your life, and you missed so much of mine!
I MISS YOU. I loved you, and I'll always love you. I love you SO MUCH, and I miss you, Dad. I can't wait to see you again.
I love you, and I miss you. Goodnight, Dad. Merry Christmas.
