Tuesday, January 08, 2008

A party of American explorers once decided to explore the rich jungles of darkest Africa. They found a guide who spoke English to lead them through the most remote parts of the jungle.

As they piled into jeeps to drive to the start of their journey, the guide asked for their attention. "I have something VERY, VERY IMPORTANT to tell you. Here in darkest Africa, we have a very special bird. It is sacred, most sacred being in this part of the world. You must not disturb this bird, and if it lands on you, you must never brush it away. It is considered very bad luck if you do."

One of the explorers, incredulous, asked, "But if it lands on us, won't it just poop on us?"

"Sometimes," said the guide. "If it does, you must never wipe it off, for it is considered VERY, VERY bad luck to do so."

"What is the name of this bird, Guide?"

"It's name is difficult to pronounce, but you may call it the Fou bird."

The exploration party drove to the start of the journey, and everyone filed out of the cars, shouldering their backpacks and gear. They started to tromp through the jungles, marvelling at the strange plants and mysterious sounds they heard.

After an hour or so, a brightly-colored bird the size of a basketball landed on the lead explorer. The guy stood very still, but sure enough, the bird dropped a load all over his safari hat. It flew off, and almost immediately the explorer took his hat off, disgusted. He tried to clean the poop off as he walked. After five steps, he fell into a sinkhole that swallowed him up forever.

The rest of the party was a little rattled, but they decided to continue the expedition.

After another hour, a brightly-colored Fou bird landed on the new lead explorer. This one pooped all over the man's shoulders, soaking his kahki shirt with nastiness. Startled, the guy waved his hands and the Fou bird flew off. He wiped as much of the crap off him as he could, though it still had soaked through to his skin.

Ten steps later, he was bitten by a deadly green mamba snake. The party tried to save him, but he died almost instantly.

After about an hour, the explorers rounded a bend and came face-to-face with a beautiful waterfall. They noticed scores of brightly-colored Fou birds in the waterfall's pool, bathing and sunning themselves. They froze with fear, but the Fou birds flew up in a flock, startled, and shat all over the entire party of exlorers.

They were about to clean themselves off when the guide suddenly yelled, "WAIT! Remember what happened to the other two men! You must NOT CLEAN IT OFF until this day is out!"

Uncomfortably, they agreed. The party tromped back through the jungle, and at sunset, washed their crap-ridden khakis. No further misfortune befell the party, and the remaining men returned happily to America to share the story of their African adventure.

The moral of this story? If the Fou shits, wear it.


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